


Matchmaking

by Zhampy



Series: Saiibo Sickfic [3]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Fluff, M/M, awkward confessions, kokichi is a cunning bastard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 09:25:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12932331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zhampy/pseuds/Zhampy
Summary: Kokichi takes a stab at matchmaking in his own unique way.Sequel to 'Fever' and 'Overheat'.





	Matchmaking

**Author's Note:**

> Oh, look, another Saiibo fic! This one is a continuation for 'Fever' which is a continuation of 'Overheat'. This one in particular has been an absolute blast to write! I started writing it before I’d even finished Fever.

Kokichi was getting sick.

He knew what was coming. He had seen Shuichi puke in public that time.

How humiliating! He wouldn't allow something like that happen to him. So if he were going to be brought down by his own traitor immune system he'd need to make sure he had plenty of servants ready to answer his every call. The problem with this plan was that everyone hated him for some bizarre reason—really, it was a mystery!

So he narrowed his choices down to the most gullible and easily manipulated of their class. His short list was reduced to Gonta, Shuichi and Kiibo. Kirumi was also an option but she was otherwise occupied fulfilling errands for some other classmates. He then struck Gonta's name off. Sometimes going for the easiest target wasn't the brightest idea; he shuddered to imagine the manhandling he'd receive under Gonta's care.

That left him with just Shuichi and Kiibo. Those two lame, lovesick dumbasses. Pausing for a moment he rolled his neck, thinking. Perhaps this could work. Shuichi was too nice for his own good and Kiibo tried his best the help anyone. Maybe if they waited on him hand-and-foot he could replay them by helping them finally get together. And then he wouldn't have to watch them awkwardly dance around over eachother every damn day.

It was gross.

Okay, the plan was to 'Agitate and Encourage'. He would trigger their most dominant romantic personality traits. For Shuichi that was protectiveness (sense of justice) and for Kiibo that was insecurity (jealously). Manipulating these two dweebs wouldn't be a challenge at all, but it would surely be entertaining.

And Kokichi Oma didn't do anything if it wasn't entertaining.

So he was sat in the kitchen area with his two targets plus Kaito and Korekiyo. Those two were irrelevant to the overall plan but might still prove useful in this elaboration phase. He started coughing loudly and noisily wiping his nose on his sleeve but everyone ignored him. Kaito, ever the hypochondriac, had taken to covering his mouth with his loose shirt sleeve rather than acknowledging his presence.

Everyone kept ignoring him.

He banged the table. "COUGH, COUGH, GUYS! I'm sick and dying here!"

"Maybe you should leave then," Kaito muttered hopefully through his sleeve.

"But I don't wanna be alone! It's lonely!"

"We don't wanna get sick either, you little punk!" Kaito shouted.

"Perhaps if you wish to remain here with us you should wear a mask," Korekiyo suggested.

"No! That's stuffy and I can't breathe!" He made an exaggerated show of sniffing hard.

Korekiyo paused to observe him for a moment. "You don't seem too seriously ill right this moment."

"He's just an annoying little shit," Kaito muttered.

"You guys!" he wailed loudly. "I'm dying! Someone hold my hand, I'm scaaaaared!"

Kaito dropped his sleeve. "Damnit, you're annoying! Someone get him out of here!"

"I doubt he'll leave until one of us helps him," Shuichi said cautiously, raising his hands to try and placate his friend.

"Then I suppose Kiibo would be the smartest choice, as he already has experience," Korekiyo offered up.

Kiibo physically recoiled at the idea. "No, thank you."

"Wow! The robot shows his true colours. I didn't know you hated me and wanted me to die!" Kokichi pouted childishly. "And you were  _sooo_  excited to help Shuichi before too!"

"I was  _not_  excited!" Kiibo slammed his hands down on the table before he realised his aggressive action and calmed down. "And I do not hate you or want you to die. I just don't want to… help you..."

It was very clear that no one wanted to watch over Kokichi at the best of times, let alone a Kokichi who was sick. It was also clear that Kiibo had been chosen as the one to be thrown under the bus. Shuichi really couldn't allow that to happen, as much as he also didn't want to voluntarily lay in the path of the bus either.

With a defeated sigh Shuichi spoke up. "I'll do it."

Kiibo looked surprised but Kokichi was smirking. So predictable that Shuichi would volunteer to take the bullet for his precious robot. Not that caring for him was a bad thing of course. Well, maybe it was, yes. He was aware of his reputation. But this whole thing was working out in his favour right now, so whatever.

"Why would you do that!?" Kaito asked incredulously.

Not even attempting to hide his dissatisfaction with the situation, Shuichi replied. "I've already caught this bug before, so I should be immune, no? It makes the most sense for me to help."

"Dude, you think too smart," Kaito said. "It's gonna ruin you one day."

"Well, I can count on you to get my back, right?" Shuichi smiled.

"Right!" Kaito gave him a thumbs up. "But this isn't one of those times," he added quickly.

"You're a better man than all of us," Korekiyo said with a sombre tone as if he were giving a tribute at Shuichi's funeral.

"Hey, speak for yourself, man," Kaito replied.

"W-wait, I think Korekiyo made a good point earlier," Kiibo pointed out, ignoring the fact he'd previously shot down said point immediately. "I-I do think I have the most experience so I should help too."

Aaaand there was the other piece of the puzzle slotted neatly into place, as expected. What a terrible excuse. Of course Kiibo would jump at the chance to be with Shuichi even if it was doing a thing just a minute earlier he'd disliked. Wow, people really didn't want to spend time with him, huh?

"Ah, then it's decided," Korekiyo finalised.

His grin was so large it threatened to split his face in two. "Alright! A Shuichi-Kiiboy tag-team! I'm feeling better already, nee-heehee!"

"I'm regretting this already," Shuichi muttered to himself quietly. He looked to Kiibo who smiled at him and he smiled back.

Kokichi watched the pair in that moment, then spun on his heels to point at the robot.

"Okay, I'm the patient, so you should carry me back to my room."

"No," Kiibo said.

"Bridal-style."

"No."

"I will also accept over-the-shoulder or piggyback-style."

"No."

"Shuiiiichi! Kiibo won't attend his patient!" Kokichi wailed.

"Just go to your room, Kokichi," Shuichi sighed. This had an uncomfortable feel of scolding his own rebellious child. "I'll bring the supplies."

"You have a terrible bedside manner," Kokichi scowled but then winked. "But it's okay, I forgive you. I love ya, Shuichi!"

He smirked when Kiibo openly glared at him, and wagged his eyebrows which caused Kiibo to glare slightly harder.

"No need to hide your discomfort, Kiiboy," he winked again. "This'll be a team effort! A gold star day!"

"I don't hide my distaste for your behaviour. It should be obvious," Kiibo replied as they left the kitchen. "I thought you were more observant than that."

"Haha, Kiiboy, you're so funny. You can't taste!" Cough, cough.

 

* * *

 

When they arrived at his room, Kiibo told him to get into bed. Kokichi threw himself onto the sheets and struck a provocative pose.

"Not even buying me dinner before wrestling me into the sheets, what a rude robot you are!"

"Wh-what, I am being perfectly polite!" Kiibo replied, not quite getting it. "Though I'm unsure as to if you're fully deserving of it."

"Ooh, sassy~" Kokichi sang. He coughed again and ruffled up the covers.

Kiibo interrupted him before he could get comfortable. "I think the logical thing to do would be to change into your nightclothes."

Oh, right. Yeah. Kokichi immediately began stripping right there. He only stopped when Kiibo screamed.

"Don't you want some privacy!?" Kiibo was covering his eyes.

"Why? It's not like there's any people around, ehhh? Just a useless robot."

"Th-that is! So shameful!" Kiibo sounded scandalised. He was definitely hiding behind his hands. "Please use the bathroom to change!"

Kokichi rolled his eyes and went over to the bathroom door. "Fiiiine, geeze. You're getting too excited for someone who doesn't even have a dick."

"Ggh!"

He poked his head out from around the doorframe. "And no peeking, nee-heehee. I know what you're like!"

Kiibo flushed red, whether with embarrassment or indignation, it was unclear. "You don't know what I'm like at all!"

He went into the small connected bathroom to change into his chequer PJs quickly. When he came back into the room he noticed that Shuichi had arrived. The detective was close, talking to Kiibo and they both jumped when he slammed the bathroom door. Probably bitching about him already.

"I'm so happy Shuichi is my new mom!" He jumped back onto the bed.

"That is  _not_  what this is!" Shuichi replied sharply.

 _Sure looks like it,_  Kokichi thought as Shuichi organised the supplies he'd brought; towels, flannels, a book to read, bottles of water etc..

"Alright, into bed," Shuichi said.

He messily got under the covers and spread his arms out. "Tuck me in," he whined.

"You can do that yourself, surely," Shuichi replied patiently.

"Mom, please!" He coughed some more, harder this time. "I'm sick..."

"Don't call me that."

"He's messing with you," Kiibo said, obviously an expert in these matters.

Shuichi released an aggravated sigh. Kokichi knew he was really testing the detective's patience now. Nonetheless, Shuichi moved to his side and pulled the cover up. He pulled the sheet up further to cover the lower part of his face and hide his smug grin.

"Now, I can explain to you what you should expect," Shuichi began. Kokichi was paying him rapt attention. Shuichi was so cool. Well, maybe not. But he was controlled and professional. Well… maybe not. But Kokichi loved listening to him speak anyway, as the detective explained the likely symptoms that might occur.

"You might unintentionally admit something personal in a fever state," Kiibo added.

Shuichi paused and looked at Kiibo. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Why would he do that?"

"Wh-uh—um, it's just something I saw in a—in a movie once…?"

 _That's a liiie_ , Kokichi wanted to say. He glanced back-and-forth between the two. Shuichi was looking deeply at Kiibo, who was beginning to sweat under the pressure.

"Say, Kiiboy," Kokichi started, breaking through the awkwardness. "I hear you can heat water. You know what would make me feel  _so much_  better? If I could soak my feet in some warm water, thanks!"

Kiibo side-eyed Shuichi and got the detective to talk to him by the door. They thought they were being quiet, but Kokichi could still hear them easily enough.

"Why are we doing this?" Kiibo asked unhappily.

"He'd probably be even worse if we weren't doing this," Shuichi sighed and whispered back. "It'll only be for the day (I hope), try to bear it. We're in it together."

Kokichi noticed that Shuichi almost made to hold Kiibo's hand before he stopped himself. These two had a weird dynamic. Shuichi was so incredibly whipped that he would do anything to make Kiibo happy, and Kiibo was such a pushover that he would agree to anything to make Shuichi happy. It was like they were both in some bizarre competition to out-submit to eachother. He wondered which one would come out on top—or on bottom as the case may be. Either way, it made messing with both of them more entertaining.

"My feet are getting cold! Where's that hot water?" He called to the pair and clapped his hands. "Chop, chop!"

Kiibo gave him a dirty look as he left.

Time to get this party started. He observed Shuichi for a moment before dropping the first bomb.

"When you get married to Kiiboy I want you to make me your best man," he said.

Shuichi dropped the towels. Made some weird stuttering noises as if too many words where trying escape his mouth at once that they all got jammed in there instead, with only partial syllables leaking out. He didn't manage to articulate anything successfully before Kokichi continued.

"When Kaito and Rantaro come to you I want you to remember I'm your best friend. Don't be fooled by their lies! I'll throw you an awesome bachelor party! We can watch vids of factory assembly lines or whatever else robot shit you're into. I saw this cool one of a machine that makes Oreos. I mean, the other guys wouldn't be into it but, hey, it's your party. Whatever tickles your pickle, amiright?"

Looking around the room, Shuichi seemed nervous. Like he thought this was a prank being pulled on him. He glanced to Kokichi and Kokichi smiled sweetly back at him. He eventually decided to settle his eyes just to the left of Kokichi's head.

"Why are you talking about this as If it's a foregone conclusion? Wait, why are you talking about this like it's even a thing!?"

Kokichi snorted. "Of course it's a thing. Everyone knows, my best friend."

Shuichi paused, looking uncertain. "S-since when?"

"Since forever, idiot! You're not exactly subtle about it."

That brought out the flush to Shuichi's cheeks. Kokichi giggled mentally. So cute! He looked around the room faux-suspiciously giving the impression they might be being watched, which caused Shuichi to become even more agitated. With a serious expression he beckoned the detective down to his level and cupped a hand to his mouth to whisper;

"You have to tell me if he has a dick or not."

Shuichi snapped back with an unamused grunt. "Stop talking," he said sternly. Though his bright red face took away any bite the comment may have had.

"But I need to know!"

"Why?"

"For science!"

"Well, I don't know either, okay!" Shuichi began folding the dropped towels with irritated movements. Kokichi grinned down at him knowing this nut would crack if he kept quite just long enough, and sure enough Shuichi cracked just as predicted. "Alright, okay! Yeah, alright. I-I mean It's not like the thought hasn't crossed my mind before. How would…  _things_  work? I don't—I don't really care, no. It's not a big deal."

"But it IS a big deal! Or it might be a small deal. Or no deal at all! Ahahahaha!" He broke off into a coughing fit.

When he was better Shuichi was looking at him disapprovingly, passing him a glass of water.

"I regret nothing," he rasped.

Shuichi left on his next given errand with a red face and Kiibo returned with a bowl to fill with water. They probably passed in the foyer. He wondered if the detective said anything, but there was no time to consider the possible variations his plan could lead to. It was time to get stuck into this particular mess too.

"So, you're a humanphile, right?"

Kiibo started, looking slightly alarmed at the comment.

"That's the opposite of a robophile from your perspective, yeah?"

"M-mind your own business, please!" Kiibo snapped.

"Eww, that's a yes then. I bet your tin head is full of dirty thoughts; things you'd like to do with humans," Kokichi cackled. "Like holding hands or hugging! Filthy! Naughty boy."

"Th-that's! My data indicates that a couple should develop romantic feelings together before initiating physical contact!"

"Ugh, you're so boring. That's so vanilla. That's the vanilla of vanilla," he sneered. "Then again, Shuichi is vanilla too."

Kiibo eyed him not so discreetly. "How do you know what Shuichi is like?"

"Oh! Caught your attention did I!"

"Not really..."

"Bullshit! But I'll let that lie pass this time. You are a beginner after all." he allowed graciously.

Sitting in silence as Kiibo warmed the bowl of water, Kokichi watched him grow slightly more and more agitated with every second that passed. He very obviously wanted to know more about the detective. Kokichi could've elaborated right then, but he wanted to hear the words. He didn't have to wait long.

"If I may ask," Kiibo began, looking away as Kokichi displayed a toothy smile, "what is Shuichi like?"

"My kink sensor tells me!" Kokichi announced.

Kiibo looked worried yet intrigued. "Your what?"

"My kink sensor is a function that was installed in me by a mysterious benefactor," he giggled, mimicking Kiibo's speech mannerisms. "And it's telling me that… Shuichi is a pathetic virgin, vanilla boy. Wow, you two suck! You're prefect for eachother!"

A deep blush began to spread across Kiibo's face. "Do you really think so?" he asked with barely concealed joy.

Kokichi leered knowingly. He leaned in and spoke lowly. "Whhhhhy? You wanna do some filthy  _vanilla_  with Shuichi?" he teased suggestively.

"Uhhhh..." Kiibo's face was burning red and literal steam was rising from his head. The bowl of water in his lap started bubbling as it began to boil.

Kokichi almost shrieked. "Whoa, Kiibo! Chill out! I'm not putting my feet in that water!"

"It's fine!" Kiibo frowned.

"It's not fine! It's boiling! Geeze, I ask a simple question and you freak out and overheat." He leered slyly. "Though it's adorable that Shuichi can get you so  _hot_."

Kiibo stood up suddenly and stiffly. "I will go get ice."

It had nothing to do with the current plan, but he just couldn't resist pushing the robot's buttons. "Why not use your own ice? I want Kiiboy brand ice!"

Water spilt from the bowl as Kiibo moved it aside with force. "I do not produce ice," he replied shortly and slammed the door as he fled the room. The door bounced against its lock and slowly creaked open.

Kiibo had cracked and left much quicker than anticipated, so now he had a little alone time until Shuichi returned. He coughed and touched his chest. His throat was feeling somewhat sore; something his laughing fit earlier hadn't helped with, and he could feel the beginnings of a headache forming in the back of his skull.

He sighed. If only he had his underlings around to wait on him hand and foot. They wouldn't mind a little buggy-bug. Or if he had the plague itself! They'd gladly sacrifice themselves for their glorious leader! Unlike his useless friends. Cowards! Feh!

Still though! At least he hadn't puked in public like Shuichi had! And he had some top tier entertainment brought right to his very bedside! Pair of fools. And speaking of fools...

Kaito walked by the open door just then.

"Hey, space man!" He coughed loud and hard, wafting the germs in that direction.

"Bite me!" Kaito shouted, slightly higher-pitched than normal, and scurried out of the dorms.

He continued to split Shuichi and Kiibo up by sending them on different errands, and dropping crude comments on them when they were alone with him. First, Shuichi returned with extra pillows.

"If you two boned, Kiibo has endless stamina, right? You could go at it forever!"

"Kokichi, please!"

Next, Kiibo brought him medicine.

"Ugh! This tastes nasty!"

"It's children's medicine! It should taste fine. It's for ages four and up."

"Like you'd know what anything tastes like. I bet you'd like to taste Shuichi."

"WHA—"

And it continued on and on throughout the day.

"Do you think if you licked Kiibo on a cold day your tongue would get stuck to him?"

"Soft, squishy Shuichi would mould nicely under your hands."

"I bet Kiibo has a horny switch and you can just turn him on (and off)."

"You'd definitely learn a lot playing with Shuichi's body at night."

"Can robots cum?"

It continued on as evening fell. Their patience with him was both admirable and very stupid. It had to end sometime soon, he began to worry, as he was running out of material. Thankfully, eventually Shuichi grew tired of the charade and confronted him.

" _Are_  you even sick at all, or has all this just been a ruse to pry into our personal business?"

"No. Yes. Maybe." Pause. "Yes, to both questions."

"But why?" Shuichi looked so done with this whole situation. All day he had been running across campus fulfilling Kokichi's every petty demand with not much more than a light grumble, all the while receiving perverted abuse concerning his romantic life. Or lack thereof. "Why are you so invested in this?"

Kokichi threw up an insulted and shocked expression. "Whaaat? I can't help my two best friends hook up? I just want you both to be happy! Maybe we aren't as close as I thought we were..." he sniffed sadly.

Shuichi sighed, rubbing his face tiredly. "Alright, I apologise—"

"And you'll think of me every anniversary when you fuck."

"—ugh! You really have issues with keeping your snide comments to yourself, don't you?" Shuichi asked in an increasingly irritated tone.

Kokichi laughed proudly. "You should hear what I just said to Kiiboy!"

"You need to stop picking on Kiibo so much," Shuichi replied. He'd probably added that ending qualifier because he knew it was impossible for Kokichi to stop bullying anyone, let alone the stranger ones among their group. But any reduction in abuse would be appreciated. "What did you say this time?"

"I told him I know someone who has a cruuuush on him~" he sing-sang and finger-gunned Shuichi.

Shuichi froze momentarily, then took a step back. "You told him I…?" He looked stressed and Kokichi was starting to feel maybe, sorta guilty for pushing this as far as he had been. But he wouldn't stop now, they were all in too deep!

"Just joking!" he announced and Shuichi visibly relaxed. "Actually I told him that love is reserved for real people not metal imitations."

"Kokichi, really!?" Shuichi balled up his hands into fists before taking a deep, calming breath and letting go. His emotions were being jerked around in all directions today.

Just a little more antagonising and they'd almost hit the climax! Shuichi seemed to be coming to the end of his rope.

"Robutts and people. It's a bit gross though, isn't it?" Kokichi prodded.

"It's not gross," Shuichi quickly replied defensively.

"It's SUPER gross!"

It looked like Shuichi wanted to argue further as he fidgeted awkwardly, but perhaps wasn't quite yet ready to verbally fight for Kiibo's honour and announce to the world that he wanted to fuck a robot. Or he just wouldn't admit it to Kokichi of all people. His hand rose up to adjust a hat he wasn't even wearing, so instead he seemed to settle on giving Kokichi a reproving glare.

"And, well, since you're too much of a pussy to confess I just had to be honest, right?" Kokichi continued.

Time for the final blow to the Shuichi half of the plan.

He grinned.

"So I told Kiibo he was going to die alone. That he was going to outlive us all and decay all by himself because no one loves him."

A terrible silence hung in the air.

"Y-y—" Shuichi stalled.

"Yeeeeeees?" Kokichi prompted sweetly.

"You wouldn't say something like that..." Shuichi said slowly, disbelievingly. "You're cruel, not monstrous."

"Oh, thanks!" Kokichi grinned wider. "I'll have to try harder then!"

"Stop joking around. I really don't have the energy for it any more. I know you're not this terrible, please."

Shuichi all but begged. He looked oddly calm given the situation. His voice, however, sounded tired and slightly desperate as his eyes searched Kokichi's face for any small hint of jest. It made Kokichi feel somewhat warm that the detective wouldn't believe the worst in him despite his words, though Shuichi was very perceptive to other people's emotions, so maybe it wasn't that surprising. Either way, Kokichi had to fight with himself not to avert his eyes.

A bubble of jealously rose up. Shuichi was so kind and just. _I want you to protect me too_ , Kokichi thought.

"Nee-heehee, you really don't know me as well as you thought you did then, huh?" instead he smiled his darkest, most disturbing smile.

There was a pause of uncomprehending silence as if the detective didn't want to believe. "You are an insidious little creature sometimes, Kokichi."

Shuichi left the room with a quiet fury.

Ooh, ouch. That one hurt. He winced. Maybe he'd gone a little too far this time.

When Kiibo returned from whatever errand he'd been sent on (Kokichi honestly couldn't even remember anymore), he looked curious. "I just saw Shuichi in the courtyard. He seemed upset."

"Angry?" Kokichi corrected him.

"Hmmm," Kiibo thought about it for a while. "No, upset. Did you do something?"

Yeah, but he wasn't going to admit that out loud. The show had to go on after all. He could salvage this plan; it had been going so well up until he'd pushed his luck.

"You like Shuichi, right?" he asked.

Kiibo was slightly taken aback by the sudden question but smiled anyway. "Yes, I think Shuichi is wonderful."

Kokichi put his chin in his hands and leaned forward, kicking his feet like a tween schoolgirl. "What'cha like about him?"

"U-um, well..." a light flush rose to his cheeks as Kiibo looked away.

He was surprised that Kiibo would even consider discussing this with him. Then again Kiibo was way too trusting of everyone. So he decided he had to protect the robot from others; nobody else was allowed to play with his toys!

"Shuichi is..." Kiibo began quietly. "… is very kind. And nice and talented and helpful! And easy to talk to… I like spending time with him… and he's," and he covered his face with his hands, speaking through them meekly. "And he's pretty."

"Yeah. Yeahhhhh." Kokichi nodded along. He made sure Kiibo was looking at him. "Kaede said the same thing."

Kiibo looked surprised and a bit crestfallen. "Huh?"

"You think you can compete with Kaede? Sweet belle of the ball, light of our eyes, class representative, kind and thoughtful." He leered. "And pretty! You're just a pointy, cold machine."

"Ggh! I should have known better than to confide in you. You are so frustrating!"

"No,  _you're_  fucking frustrating!" Kokichi replied, and this time it was honestly. He coughed after raising his voice. "Watching you futilely fawn over and cling to Shuichi everyday. It's gross! You're not the only one making goo-goo eyes at him, y'know."

"Wh-what—I don't—" Kiibo held his hands up in surrender.

Kokichi shrugged and cracked his fingers one at a time as he spoke.

"Have you  _seen_  how Kaede looks at him? I guess I shouldn't be surprised your toaster brain doesn't get it. She's stripping him naked with her eyes everytime they're together, she's gonna swallow him WHOLE one day soon. That girl is  _thirsty_!"

Kiibo's antenna was standing up to a point; he was genuinely buying into this bullshit. "Wh-who else!?" he asked too eagerly.

"And Rantaro!" Kokichi continued spewing his lies. "Pretty boy wants Shuichi riding his dick  _so hard_! He might try to act polite but I've seen that predatory leer of his. Hoo boy, you've got some  _stiff_  competition, my friend, nee-heehee!"

Possibly the two most popular people in their class.

Actually, his observations were only half bullshit. Kaede and Rantaro did act like this, but only with  _eachother_ , and only when they thought no one was looking (but Kokichi was looking). Neither of them saw Shuichi in  _that_  way. Maybe after this game was finished he'd out them too.

"You think with game like that Shuichi's gonna wait around for a stupid, dickless robot to install a pair and ask him out? You're dumber than I thought! What a waste of time."

Although Kiibo probably didn't understand half of those euphemisms, Kokichi thought he'd got the point across well enough as the robot was looking quite frustrated right now. There was just one more step left to take; Kiibo's ultimate trigger was questioning his humanity and it was bait he ceaselessly took.

"Of course," Kokichi blinked slowly. "This is human stuff. No one expects Kiiboy to understand real emotions."

"That is a discriminatory remark!" Kiibo began and Kokichi rolled his eyes which only seemed to annoy Kiibo more. "You know full well that I am capable of experiencing the full spectrum of human emotion!"

"When you talk like that it just makes you sound  _more_  like a robot." He held a hand up to silence the oncoming argument and continued. "I'll tell you what! I'll believe you can feel real emotions like a real boy, and I might even stop playing with you too, IF you confess to Shuichi!"

Kiibo instantly deflated. Not the reaction Kokichi wanted, so he prodded some more.

"Haha, knew it! Useless scrap metal, stop wasting our time and go back to whatever third world factory you were assembled in."

"Don't mock me!"

"I'm just saying is aaaaaall," he dragged out the word. "If you don't confess quick Shuichi is gonna be a taken man."

"That may be true…!" Kiibo frowned.

"I don't think you can do it."

"I-I can most certainly do it!"

"Then prove it."

"I will!"

"Do it!"

"I am!" Kiibo stood up sharply looking determined, but sweating with condensation slightly.

Kokichi cackled. Every damn time.

Kiibo slammed the door to Kokichi's room and immediately bumped into Shuichi in the dorms foyer, who also seemed to be moving with a purpose.

"Kiibo, I have something to say!"

"Shuichi, I need to talk to you!"

They both immediately began shouting over the top of eachother, neither apparently able to stop the stream of words once they'd begun spilling out.

"Recently I have been experiencing strong emotions when we spend time together, Shuichi! I am not 100% sure what may be happening, but I feel exceptionally warm and happy when I'm with you and I would like these feelings to continue! You are a tremendously kind and good-hearted person, and even though I'm not quite like you, you have been nothing but thoughtful and patient with me! I suppose what I'm saying is that I really like you!"

Ryoma exited his room and immediately made a U-turn right back into it.

"I've been thinking about this for a while now, Kiibo, and I can't bottle it up any longer! I really enjoy being with you; you're really cute and interesting and cute, and I want us to spend all our time together! I want to learn everything about you and I want you to know everything about me! You make me happy and I want to do whatever I can to make you happy too! You should never be alone. I think you're an amazing person and I really like you!"

A bit of an awkward pause hung in the air, before they both started talking over eachother again.

"W-what did you say?"

"Sorry, w-what was that?"

"You go first—"

"Can you repeat—?"

They both stopped again. They both knew exactly what the other had just confessed, even if their words had become mixed and incomprehensible. That just made things more awkward.

Kiibo was the first to speak up again. He glanced carefully at Shuichi. "Are you okay, Shuichi? You look upset?" he said uncertainly.

"Ah?" Shuichi looked over blearily. He was still riding high on emotion.

"Before, in the courtyard just now," Kiibo continued. "You looked distressed. I called to you but you ignored me. That's okay, it's dark now, you likely just missed—"

"Hey, listen," Shuichi interrupted suddenly seriously. Kiibo was surprised but matched his expression and looked back seriously too. "Did Kokichi say anything to you?"

"Ah!" That whole mess. Kiibo didn't really want to admit to that. It would be dishonest, but maybe he could get away with being vague. "Yes..." he replied but didn't elaborate.

That caused an interesting array of expressions to cross Shuichi's face. Kiibo definitely wasn't quick enough to catch or process each one

"You know not to believe a single word that comes out of his mouth, right?" Shuichi asked rather sternly.

Kiibo felt a bit intimidated, but he couldn't deny that Kokichi had been somewhat correct on certain subjects. "Um, well, he's not completely wrong..."

"He's wrong!" Shuichi refuted in a fierce whisper. He moved quickly and grabbed Kiibo.

"Shuichi!?"

Shuichi was holding Kiibo's arms, just below the metal plates. He wasn't sure if he was causing pain holding on so tightly, but he didn't think his nerves would allow him to loosen his grip. If he let go he'd probably run away instead. Kiibo was stuck looking up at him with wide eyes and a steadily growing redder face. He didn't seem capable of moving or processing any information right now. Shuichi moved his face in and Kiibo began making a keening sound that rose in volume as Shuichi got closer.

Kiibo's blast shield shot up to cover his face just as their lips were about to meet and Shuichi hung his head in defeat. "Sorry!" Kiibo whined, his voice muffled.

With his face burning red and breathing unevenly Shuichi released his grip on Kiibo's arms and backed off. Kiibo worriedly took a step forward at the same time, though wouldn't—or couldn't—lower his mask. He covered the space that Shuichi had backed into so that they were close again.

"Ahh, um..." Kiibo dropped his mask. He wouldn't look at Shuichi's face as he began mumbling what sounded like nonsense too quietly to properly hear. He balled his hands into fists and shook them as he bounced on his heels slightly, muttering and psyching himself up for something. Shuichi just stared down at the top of his head, like a deer caught in headlights, frozen in place.

Shuichi was knocked off his feet (was almost winded) when Kiibo suddenly hugged him hard, using his weight to push into him. He took the tackle with a soft grunt as his arms moved automatically to hold Kiibo and balanced them both. Kiibo wrapped his arms around Shuichi's back tightly.

"Umm!" Kiibo's voice was muffled again as he hid his face in Shuichi's chest. "I-I—I like you, Shuichi!" His hands gripped tighter onto Shuichi's shirt as he spoke, still not able to look at him directly.

He had literally just tried to kiss Kiibo but now in his wretched self-conscious mind he didn't know what to do with his hands. If he were honest, he was starting to feel a little light-headed. He took a brave, deep breath.

"I li—" Shuichi's voice cracked and he almost cursed. He cleared his throat. "I like you too, Kiibo," he said. He firmly returned the hug, resting the side of his face on Kiibo's head. The hands holding his shirt gripped tighter at his words.

It was nice to be taller, he thought. He could feel his heartbeat finally slow down to a reasonable pace and hoped his face had returned to its normal complexion too, though that was probably wishful thinking. They stayed like that for some time before Shuichi could feel himself starting to comfortably doze off. Kiibo must have noticed this too as he detached himself unwillingly, but didn't move back.

"S-so..." Kiibo pushed his fingers together, looking down and gathering courage. He finally looked up directly into Shuichi's eyes. "Does this mean… we are dating now?"

With an affirmative nod, Shuichi smiled. "Yeah, I guess we are."

Kiibo just stopped. All processing ground to a halt. He was astonished that Shuichi had accepted  _and_  returned his feelings. Then a sudden overpowering rush of energy surged through him as if he'd just been struck by lightning, and his whole body shivered. It must have looked worrying on the outside as Shuichi just about panicked and was seconds away from running to find help.

"Thank you, Shuichi!" Kiibo eventually blurted out.

Shuichi was stunned. "Why are you thanking me?"

"I don't know! My systems are very overwhelmed at the moment! You make me feel happy, and I like it!" he was getting louder and louder with each comment.

"Kiibo, Kiibo! Calm down, you're shouting." Shuichi shook his head and smiled fondly. "I get the feeling Kokichi may have played us like fiddles."

"Really?" Kiibo tilted his head. "That sounds strange. I don't have any musical functions."

As Shuichi knew all too well. "Not literally."

They stood in silence for a while, like they were the only two beings in the world that existed right now. Kiibo was looking down, shuffling his feet nervously. Cautiously he reached out with one hand to touch his fingertips to Shuichi's fingertips. He jumped when Shuichi grabbed his hand and pushed their palms together firmly. He opened his mouth and jerked his head up with surprise when Shuichi boldly grabbed his other hand in the same manner. Shuichi leaned down.

Their foreheads touched and Kiibo closed his eyes, smiling happily and squeezing Shuichi's hands, while Shuichi found himself unable to look away from Kiibo's face with a contented sigh.

"HEY, LOVEBIRDS!"

They were drawn out of their warm reverie by a loud shout. Both turning to the source they noticed Kokichi laughing at them from in his room. The door was wide open.

"Get a room! Ahahahaha—hey, no! Don't shut the door, the water's cold! Help!"

The moment ruined, Shuichi and Kiibo decided to ditch Kokichi and return to the kitchen. Unfortunately for them Kokichi scrambled to follow. Only Kaede, Korekiyo and Kaito where still there at the late hour.

"Good evening," Korekiyo greeted them when they arrived.

"Hey, guys! Come play Uno with us," Kaede said and flashed a card.

Now the new couple didn't seem to know how to act. Did they sit together? Why wouldn't they sit together? They often sat together anyway. But now? Kiibo hurriedly sat down in a random chair at the table that was actually too far away from the group.

"What's up with you two? You look weird," Kaito observed.

"Oh, Shoe and Kiibs are banging now," Kokichi giggled.

"Kokichi!"

"Ahh!"

"Yaaaay! Nee-heehee!"

There was a tense moment before...

"Ahhhhhyee!" Kaede screamed excitedly.

Kaito and Korekiyo exchanged some money at this declaration with Kaito grumbling about it. Shuichi threw his hands up in the air.

"Are you guys kidding me!?"

"You bet  _against_  them?" Kaede hissed to Kaito disapprovingly.

"What? Don't look at me like that! What? Well, it's a bit… well, y'know." Kaede punched him in his side. "Argh! Alright! Good for you two guys, yanno… eh."

"Indeed," Korekiyo said. "Love comes in many forms. What is society to dictate who you may or may not spend your life with."

"A very mature," Kaede pointedly looked at Kaito here, "and beautiful statement." She said, crossing her arms and nodding sagely.

"Sure, whatever you say, buddy," Kaito rolled his eyes, giving Korekiyo a suspicious look.

"Eeeeee, I'm so proud of both of you!" Kaede squealed.

Shuichi was just standing there with his mouth open wordlessly and arms limp at his side. Kiibo was trying to make himself as small as possible, or to disappear into his collar entirely.

Kokichi had been cackling the entire time.

Shuichi sat down curtly. "I swear to god, if any of you jerks cough..."

…

Cough, cough.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The next day Kokichi broke out into a fever and no one would help him.
> 
> Whaaaaat the hell, how did this get this long? Oh well, the dumb, awkward babies got together! I may or may not write a saucy little something extra after this, but I would, uhhh, need encouragement for that LMAO. This got a little silly, but I like cute and fun stories, and Kokichi is fun!


End file.
